Oh. My. God.

And then the arse fell out of it. Bit of a lie in today (Monday) and we were woken by a knock on the ‘van door. Barry, the groundworking type chap, rocked up to have another look round the site. I know Barry, he’s a family friend and the last person you’d expect to be taking you for a ride. He seemed a bit ‘shuffley’, if that’s a word, and said his quantity surveyor was about to turn up and go through the pricing – and handed me a rolled-up ream of A4. He qualified that with a brief ‘There are a couple of prices we could shave, but Will will go through all of that with you.’
So then ‘Will’ rocks up and, having made the robbing bastard a cup of tea and asked him to remove his shoes before coming in the ‘van, I had a quick squint at the total cost. Motherfucker, apologies for swearing but Jesus, either Barry has an enormous tax bill to pay in July and has to find it quickly, or someone has their sums very, very wrong. We’d reckoned on £25K, and asked for an estimate to put in the arena for future reference.

One hundred and seventy thousand pounds.

One hundred and seventy thousand pounds.

In Will’s defence, that did include the arena though, at the small fee of £60K. Er, if I’d had Charles Britten out (the Rolls Royce of Olympic arena installers) it wouldn’t have come back at that price. So, according to ‘Will’ (yer, lovely bloke, fair with his pricing) 120 metres of post and rail fencing would have cost £25 grand. To dig a hole for our Klargester (or sewerage treatment plant, cost of which is £3000), Will reckoned it would take two men, five days to dig plus the cost of the concrete and a pipe (approximately 3 metres), total installation cost of Klargester, including supply, £10500. The Klargester is about four feet diameter and about 1.2 metres tall (max).
You should have seen the costs for the trenching works for the groundsource heat pump coils. 550m of trench, one metre deep = three days work for man and machine, total cost £14500. No, there’s not an extra nought on that. Richard said that if Halle Berry and Charlize Theron came and did the job, whilst naked and digging with gold spoons, it was still too much money. Barry is probably in Monaco, drinking Crystale on his 450ft bateau, surrounded by a bevvy of Playgirls.
Obviously, we spent the evening drunk.


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